Husband relapsed tonight. I'm so sad.
I thought he was doing better. I was on my lunch break and thinking how it would be so nice to get off the pill this month. Even if I were to get pregnant right away we'd be fine, we'd still be able to do all the things we have planned for the year after all I'd only be due in January.
Oh the shattered dreams and rude awakening that this hasn't gone away. No matter how much I wish for it to go away it hasn't. Kind of interesting that he'd relapse on the night that I was so close to being set on getting off the pill and finally getting my turn at motherhood.
I don't even get anxious anymore. I get upset, and slightly mad. But it's become an expectation. Not a if he'll look at it, but when will he look at it again. What a sad way to live. Can someone please sue sports illustrated?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
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Do you need to wait until your husband is completely done relapsing before having kids? This is something that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, because we’d like to have kids in the next couple of years and my husband has had a lot of relapses recently. I have to think that I will stay married to him and support him no matter what. And if that is the case, I have to think that we need to keep moving towards our goal of becoming parents. Of course, this may not be the case for you. This decision must be made through the spirit so that you know that what you’re doing is right.
ReplyDeleteM
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI've tried to comment on this blog a few times since your last post and have had tech difficulties every time. Hoping this one works, because:
I've wanted to thank you for your blog. I feel I can relate to it so well. I, too, am a very honest person, and the secrecy of the addiction is almost as hard as the filth itself. So it is great to use blogs as an outlet and I hope we can build a community of wives, because I was also disappointed in the lack of such on the internet.
I also have been hesitant to start a family while this addiction is in full-force. My husband acts out about once a month. If not for the addiction, this is about the time I always thought I could go off the birth control. I have procrastinated making the decision and seeking the Lord's will for us in this regard.
I also seem to expect "when" instead of worrying about "if." But I actually feel OK about that. I feel I'm in a good spot I think because I'm working my steps and able to focus on my (and his) progress through this. I feel I've had a witness that even the "start" of getting better could probably take another year or two, but we must surrender to God's will. There is peace in knowing it is His timetable, despite the repeated hurt and frustration.
I hope you can feel increased love from your husband and your Father. I usually feel worse the day after a relapse, and then 2 days after, I feel happy and feel love. If you are the same, I pray for you that today will pass quickly!
I love my husband so much, but I don't trust him... This addiction is so terrible.
ReplyDeleteNo kids. I don't trust him... I don't want to be a single mom someday.